The Ice Pirates (1984)

As far as bad Star Wars ripoffs go, The Ice Pirates has got to be the worst of the bunch. There are slapstick robots, pirates complete with fake looking swords and bad fight scenes, and one of the most retarded deus ex machinas I’ve ever seen. I can handle ’80s cheese and sometimes I downright love it, but this film reaches levels of stupidity far beyond my tolerance. I like Howard the Duck for crap sake! If that doesn’t tell you how bad this film is, I don’t know what will.

In a future where water has become a valuable commodity, think Waterworld in space, a princess purchases two captured pirates pretending to be uniqes and they set out for the mythical lost planet that is full of water. Robert Urich is the less charming and less handsome Han Solo character Jason and Mary Crosby plays the spoiled Princess Leia…I mean Karina. Performances from a young Anjelica Houston and Ron Perlman may bring a little smirk to your face, but these familiar faces add little more than that to the film.

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